Memorializing this mostly just so I don’t forget it…here is the eulogy I wrote for my dad’s funeral…written as an iphone note in the days following his passing…pasting here without any editing…

My dad fought off so much I think there was a part of me that thought he could beat anything, and maybe that’s part of why this is so hard

But toughness, that spirit of not giving up, that is definitely something I learned from him. giving it everything you have. Hustle. Tenacity. He worked hard to instill that kind of mindset in us.

I learned a lot from my dad. Like being kind, doing the right thing when no one’s looking, taking care of the people around you, and of course, how much fun it can be to make fun of mom.

My dad wasn’t really the type of guy that wanted to talk about his feelings a lot (I guess i missed that lesson), so I think i learned most from him by watching his actions.

I watched how he treated my mom, i watched how he treated his family. i saw it with his siblings. How he hurt when they hurt. how he was always there for them, no matter what. I watched his generosity, i saw how he chose to spend his time— with his family. 

Always there when we were kids, and as we grew older, always getting in the car to make the trip to Rochester, Buffalo, Niagara Falls, the Cabin. He and my mother were never AT their home, but they were always at home when they were with their family.

I can’t lie, having a dad who liked to frequent the specialty wings at the hospital wasn’t always easy, but there was a bright side to that experience growing up. My brother and I grew up with a glaring example in our face of what was REALLY important in life. And it wasn’t money or buying new stuff or getting a big promotion or anything like that. Ee grew up knowing that our love for one and being there for each other is what really mattered. 

We grew up knowing very well that no day is guaranteed, and every day in this life is a gift. a lot of people talk about “living in the moment” but I feel like we really did that with my Dad. We had it good, and we knew it.

I also got to see my mom care for my dad. And anyone who’s been around my parents knows that my mom has been my dad’s personal medical advocate for the last 30 years. Notebooks and photocopies in hand, lists of medications and health histories. 

She was always there for him. at his appointments, by his bedside, holding his hand.

She was the foundation in his care and in his faith. I got to see what “in sickness and in health” really looks like.

We have been so blessed to have these last 5 years after his stem cell transplant, and we made the most of it. Soaking all the little moments.

 l can remember playing basketball in our driveway with him and the kids this past summer, and i can remember telling Sarah that night— how lucky am I? What else could I want for? moments like that made my life feel like a dream come true. 

And it’s moments like that, that I will always be grateful for. You know, I got 35 years of a father that loved me and that i could look up to. That’s so much more than what a lot of people get. 

And of course I wish I got more time with him here, but I know he’s not gone. 

He will live on through me; he’s such a big part of the person I am today. 

He will live on in my heart; I can feel him here today. 

And he will live on through my kids. Juliet, Malcolm, and Whitney- who adore him and he them. One of the greatest gifts of my life was getting to see him with his grandkids. I don’t know if I ever seen him happier, and for that I am truly grateful.

I’m going to miss him a lot. I already do. There are so many things that are going to remind me of him. 

It’s going to be hard, but I’m going to take a page out of his book, and I’m not going to give up. 

I’m going to keep going and building new memories. i know that’s what he would want us to do. and i know he’ll be with us the whole time. 

I love you dad.